


Unworthy

by fanfic_originals



Category: Skate-Leading Stars (Anime)
Genre: Boys In Love, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:28:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29107077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanfic_originals/pseuds/fanfic_originals
Summary: Not sure if it’s angst, not sure if its fluff, but i hope you like it.
Relationships: Maeshima Kensei/Shinozaki Reo
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17
Collections: Skate-Leading☆Stars





	Unworthy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Hypnosismic123](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Hypnosismic123).



> Not sure if it’s angst, not sure if its fluff, but i hope you like it.

Shinozaki is alone in his room, as usual. The white haired boy had somehow started dating Maeshima Kensei and they have been together for about a year now. They are second year in high school.

They are in different schools, different teams. So it is very obvious that they time they have for each other is limited. Shinozaki is very insecure about his position as Maeshima’s boyfriend.

The red haired boy is cheerful, and is rather good looking. For sure, Maeshima has many admirers in school. Shinozaki is not even that special, there is absolutely no need for Maeshima to stay with him.

“Maybe, I’m simply not enough for him.” Shinozaki mumbles as he hugs himself, cowering in the dark corner of his room. Tears fell from his face as he realises that cruel fact that he simply isn’t enough.

The usually cold mask fell from Shinozaki’s face. He couldn’t keep up that facade when he is home alone. Shinozaki stood up and walked over to the full length mirror in his room. His eyes roamed over his figure.

Figure skaters are thin in general, whether due to trainings or their diet. The figure Shinozaki sees in the mirror does not truly reflect how he looks like. “I’m so fat. I don’t look good at all. I’m so short.” Shinozaki poked and pinched and prodded at his own skin, recording down all the flaws he _has_.

It is only day one of the hell that is about to go down.

~~~

Shinozaki skipped his meals, trained harder than anyone on the ice. He drank water like his life depended on it. He fell a lot at practice, scars start to form on his skin from all those injuries. He would often fall asleep in class as well.

Obviously, Shinozaki isn’t doing too well. “We are going to have a joint practice with your school.” Maeshima calls Shinozaki the night before the joint practice. “Is that so?” Shinozaki asks. The white haired boy is sitting on his bed. “Yea, I can’t believe Akimitsu managed to plan it.” Maeshima sounded excited.

“Y-yea...” Shinozaki mutters, “Anyway, it’s late so I really should go sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow.” “Yea, see you tomorrow. I love you.” Maeshima says before ending the call. Shinozaki sat on his bed and the gears in his mind turned.

Maeshima is going for find out what he has done to himself for sure. Shinozaki bit his lips as his hands started to wring his wrists. “What am I going to do?” Shinozaki mutters under his breath. He got out of bed and walked to the mirror.

Clothes were removed and neatly placed to the side. Shinozaki stares at his reflection. His ribs protruded, his collar bones much more defined than before. He truly felt beautiful for once, he finally felt worthy of Maeshima.

“I’m sure I could have gone further...” Shinozaki realises and he hates himself for it. If only he could work more, if only he could cut his water intake, if only... “What is all these ‘if-only’s if I’m seeing Kensei tomorrow. He is going to think I’m ugly.” Shinozaki mutters.

He has achieved nothing over the past month of starving himself. Clearly, he isn’t doing enough to reach Maeshima’s standards. “You could have gone further than this.” Shinozaki says to his own reflection. It isn’t enough.

“I deserve to be punished.” Shinozaki says as he starts pacing. His mind thinking of possible punishments he could do in the confines of his room. It is late after all. Nothing came to mind and he became anxious.

~~~

Shinozaki woke up the next morning in a shirt that had been bloodied. His thighs and abdomen, messy with cuts. He removed his clothes and stepped into the shower room. It stings when the water hits the wound.

Shinozaki is thinking that he deserved all the pain he had inflicted upon himself. He probably deserved to die too. If he isn’t worthy for Maeshima then why is he still alive? Maeshima must hate him for taking the special spot. Maeshima must hate him for taking the special place being his lover.

Nothing is worse than such a crime.

~~~

It’s after school and Maeshima is on the bus to go to St. Clavis Gakuin High school. He is pretty excited, after all he haven’t seen his boyfriend in such a long time. Maeshima misses Shinozaki. Of course, in his bag held a specially made lunch box. Maeshima spent so much time on it.

“You’re literally shaking, Maeshima.” Sasugai says from next to the red haired boy. “Well I can’t wait to see my boyfriend.” Maeshima shrugs. Sasugai simply made a face of disgust. “Okay, please do not say that about my half older brother, it is disgusting.” Sasugai fake gags.

Maeshima just rolls his eyes. Maeshima then let his eyes look outside just as they started moving. “It will only be an hour until I see you.” Maeshima mutters under his breath as the smile never leaves his face.

Maeshima spent the next one hour sleeping. He woke up really early just to prepare food for his lover so he was pretty exhausted, after a whole day of classes. It didn’t feel that he has slept really long when he was woken up by Sasugai.

“I really need you guys to learn as much as you can from them.” Akimitsu says before they all exit the bus. The team from St. Clavis welcomed them as they stepped down the bus. The first person Maeshima’s eyes move to is Shinozaki.

Something is very wrong as soon as his eyes land on the white haired boy. Shinozaki seemed pale, his eyes glazed over, his cheeks were sunken. Maeshima almost ran over to the boy but is held back by Sasugai.

“I swear you better let me go.” Maeshima hissed. “It is really rude to do that when we haven’t even finish greetings. You can go later.” Sasugai mutters as he jots down some notes. Maeshima sighs, Sasugai definitely has a point, so he stays with his team until they enter the school’s private rink.

They didn’t make it there. Shinozaki lost consciousness while they were walking there. The first person who rushed to the white haired boy’s side is not Maeshima but Sasugai. The blond quickly gave a once over to his half older’s brother before lifting Shinozaki in his arms.

”We need to bring him to the hospital.” Sasugai says, “And you,” Sasugai looks at Maeshima, “are coming with me.”

And so, the two boys got onto a taxi and the left, making sure to bring along Shinozaki’s personal belongings with them. “What is happening?” Maeshima asks, not fully understanding what exactly is going on. “This idiot here, fell back to his bad habits.” Sasugai lifts up Shinozaki’s shirt.

Maeshima couldn’t hold back a gasp, he felt his eyes starting to sting a little. “H-how...” Maeshima’s voice barely above a whisper. Sasugai looks at Maeshima then back to the front. “He has always been insecure of himself, I’m not sure why. Anyways he probably hasn’t eaten for...” Sasugai starts counting, “about 4 weeks. Probably ate here and there but definitely not a full meal.”

Maeshima held a hand to his mouth, why would Shinozaki hurt himself like this. His heart is being squeezed as he clench fist right on his chest to ease that pain somehow.

~~~

It’s pretty late when Shinozaki finally wakes up. Tubes and all sorts of things inserted into his arm. Maeshima is sitting next to Shinozaki’s bed, tears simply not stopping at all. “Kensei.” Shinozaki calls out. “Reo, you’re awake.” Maeshima squeezed Shinozaki’s hands.

A smile cracked on Shinozaki’s lips. “Why are you crying?” Shinozaki asks as he squeezes Maeshima’s hand. “I thought I lost you.” Maeshima sobbed in relief that Shinozaki is fine. “Yo! You’re stuck in the hospital for the night.” Sasugai says, “And I’m taking this boy with me. Visiting hours are over. See him tomorrow.” Sasugai says before he cruelly dragged Maeshima out of the room and out of the hospital building.

Shinozaki laid there, feeling bad after he had seen Maeshima cry for him.

~~~

It was a few days later when Maeshima finally visited Shinozaki. Mostly because Sasugai said the white haired boy really needed to rest up and get back some strength.

Maeshima stood in front of the two big double doors of Shinozaki’s room. He reached out a hand to knock on it. The door was pulled open really quickly. Shinozaki basically jumped onto Maeshima. Maeshima obviously caught Shinozaki in his arms. They both made their way inside the room.

Maeshima brought them both to the bed. Shinozaki laid his head on Maeshima’s chest, Maeshima has one hand wrapped around Shinozaki while the other ran through Shinozaki’s hair.

“You know you’re always enough for me. You don’t have to do such things.” Maeshima whispers as his hands continues to play with Shinozaki’s hair. Sasugai has told the whole story to Maeshima, so there was no need for Shinozaki to relive that scene once more.

“You’re not ugly at all. You’re so beautiful, so perfect.” Maeshima says as he places a kiss on Shinozaki’s crown. Shinozaki blushed as he hid his face in Maeshima’s chest, his arms and legs wrapped around Maeshima’s body.

“I love you, I love you so damn much. You’re my one and only.” Maeshima laid down more properly on the bed, so that Shinozaki laid atop of him. He peppered the boy with kisses everywhere, drawing giggles and smiles.

“Never think you’re not enough.” Maeshima says as he hugs Shinozaki tightly, not wanting the boy to ever leave his side. “I love you too and I guess I won’t do it again.” Shinozaki mutters into Maeshima’s chest.

“Never do it again.” Maeshima places one more chaste kiss on Shinozaki’s crown. They both sigh, happy to be in each other’s presence.


End file.
